"Good Traditional Values" that the Empowered Woman Must Shake Off.

Today's topic is coming straight from the heart so please forgive me if this entry is a little bit disjointed. The last few weeks have been quite full on and it all came to a head last week which resulted in my body finally giving up and becoming overrun with the flu! 

The blogging world can be a glossy place sometimes, with our photos edited to perfection and exciting updates of holidays and nights out at plush restaurants, so allow me to keep it real with y'all for just a second.

Over the weekend,  I received a distressing phone call from someone,  which left me feeling upset and very disempowered. This led me to think about some of the reasons why even as an adult with an empowerment blog, I am still overly sensitive,  concerned about others' opinions of me and often times super hard on myself,  particularly when I feel I have screwed up, in any area of my life.

After much thought, and long conversation with my fiancé, I figured that the main reason for these feelings of disempowerment is down to childhood conditioning. Many of the "good traditional values", or well meaning lessons that our parents instilled in us whether we like it or not has affected the way we reason and behave as adults. Oftentimes for the good, sometimes not so good. 

I come from a good ol' Ghanaian, Christian background where there is a lot of emphasis on  "God first"  and "respect for others". But there is also a lot of "mask wearing", and tiptoeing around others so not to appear less than squeaky clean. 

Although my upbringing has helped me to become a highly spiritual, respectful and hardworking member of society, they have also in some ways been to my detriment, So I have compiled a list of five "good traditional values"  that I believe have contributed to the way I act now, and have been my setback as a woman, and that I feel should be shaken off if I am going to progress in life. Whilst I am writing this for you, I am also writing this for myself.  In the words of one of my favourite gospel songs "as I minister to you, I minister to myself".  So let's learn together. 

1. What people think about your life choices is a reflection of whether they are wrong or right.

2. Answering back to someone older is disrespectful. Never do it. (This has been a major one, that has even hindered me from standing up to my superiors at work!)

3. Taking a break / rest = laziness

4. Good Christian (*insert alternative label here*) girls don't make mistakes. If you do, then said mistake should be followed by excessive regret and apologising to those who may or may not be affected.

5. Crying is silly. It's a sign of weakness and you must not let anyone EVER see you cry.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but these are the main beliefs I feel I subconsciously hold, although I find it hard to admit it.  

If you have read to the end, I would like to thank you.  I would also like to encourage you by saying that you are most probably doing better than you think. If you do feel you have screwed up in life lately, then do what you can to fix it, leave the rest to God, forget about it and move on!

Can you add any more to my list. What "good traditional values"  are you trying to shake off?"

Commuter Reads : We Should All Be Feminists

My next instalment of commuter reads comes from my all time favourite author. When I started the Commuter Reads  series I did mention that I loved literature from African writers. Well before I continue,  please allow me to introduce to you Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Ms  Adichie is a Nigerian novelist whose first novel, Purple Hibiscus, had me hooked from the first paragraph. But it was really her novel Americanah which won her the accolade as my favourite author. She executes the art of storytelling with such finesse and mastery. 

And for those of us in the African Diaspora, with a longing to know our roots, we crave stories that will bring us closer to motherland. I consider it a personal privilege to be able to read Chimamanda's work which brings characters and places and things to life so that you can literally taste, smell and feel the words you are reading. Her vivid descriptions colour the narrative and pulls you right into the heart of her scenes. 

"his advice to me...feminists are women who are unhappy because they cannot find husbands"
( yeah right! )

We Should All Be Feminists, which is an extension of a Tedx talk she held in 2013 is her latest piece that I read, and I must say like all her other creations I just couldn't get enough of it once I cracked the book open. I gulped every single word of it in one sitting.  Although I should have trusted that this would be just as good I was sceptical about reading it for two reasons:

1. I've always treated the term feminism with  contempt,  which I now know is because of my lack of understanding of it. After all how could I align myself with a movement that evoked so much anger and fighting against the status quo? How can I count myself a feminist when I don't hate men. I have always wanted to be someone's doting wife, and I loved lipstick so much?

2. It's a nonfiction piece of work. I just wasn't in the mood to read an essay. Although Chimamada has always used her novels as a platform from which to address social issues experienced by Africans, the message was always cushioned by the narrative. I guess I was scared that a non-fictional piece, may perhaps be too blunt. 

"Gender as it functions today is a grave injustice".

Well Chimamanda directly addresses my first concern within the first two pages, by speaking to my ignorance with her in depth analysis of what it really means to be feminist . Also within the first ten minutes of reading she addresses my second concern. I quickly realised that storytelling is woven into the fabric of this essay, which gives it some warmth and a tone of endearment.  She has so many anecdotal examples from her personal experiences as a woman living in Nigeria,  which complements her points nicely.

"All of us, women and men, must do better"

What  I particularly love is that she doesn't just address how gender equality affects women but how also how gender construction has also done a disservice to men.

I think I should stop here because I  probably will give too much away. But I'd like to finish by saying We Should All Be Feminists is only 99p on Amazon Kindle so there is NO excuse for not purchasing. Even, the paperback is little over £3 on Amazon. Also it's a very short and fairly easy read, so won't take up too much of your time. In fact it can probably be read in one train journey depending on how fast you read.

Can I now call myself a feminist? Chimamanda makes such a convincing case, but hmmm... I'd say maybe I am in some ways but still not entirely. (Ms Adichie, I hope we can still be friends!)

PRODUCT REVIEW: HOUSE OF SOLO

I am soooooo excited to be writing this post because alas!..it is our first ever product review. Ladies, I present to you 

House of Solo

House of Solo Magazine is the latest glossy magazine featuring fashion, art and culture to hit the shelves, and is brought to you by photographer Abeiku and fellow blogger Missy May, along with their team. 

When I first opened its package, I noticed immediately the quality of the pages - very much like many of the high end glossies you find in the shops, or even the Next Directory that gets posted through my door every season. This is a far cry from the flimsy paper new and small publications often come with. 

A flick through House of Solo allows one to feast their eyes on high quality content. Hi-res photos, with deep and bright colours, juxtaposed with easy to read articles, and interviews from creatives in the industry. 

This makes the perfect coffee table "flick through", or handbag filler, that you can whip out and read whilst waiting for your hair or dentist appointment (or any appointment for that matter!) It's also your perfect go-to for style inspiration, be it your personal style, home decor style or lifestyle.

When I asked Missy May, what the main purpose of House of Solo, she simply replied "it's to entertain, to inspire and to inform". She also mentioned that it's to "give a voice to the voiceless". Strange strap line for a glossy mag, you might say, but House of Solo is all about shining a spotlight on artists, and creatives who would otherwise go unnoticed, be it painters, writers, models or photographers. 

"House of Solo [will] 

entertain, inspire, 

and inform...it's 

about giving a voice 

to the voiceless"

                                     - Missy May

The first issue is The Fashion Issue and has all the features one might expect: high end fashion shots, fashion based articles and dreamy art that will capture your imagination. However, please do expect a lot more than that, because the magazine, which will be released quarterly will touch on everything from culture and social issues, to sports and motivation, so please stay tuned for more from the House of Solo. 

"House of Solo will 

touch on everything 

from culture and 

social issues, to 

sports and motivation"

In short, if you are a culture vulture, or are interested in refined as well as edgy art and fashion, then House of Solo is for you. 

Intrigued? I urge you to check it out at www.houseofsolo.co.uk or purchase the print edition from MagCloud. 

Your Network is Your Net Worth

I have come to learn that your network is equal to your net worth. If you want to be successful in life, whether in business, in your career, with your studies or as a homemaker, you must surround yourself with like minded people. Because whether you like it or not, the company you keep will make or break you. Your friends will either be motivators, or dream killers. They will either give you good advice or bad counsel.

What has brought on this train of thought? I have recently experienced some majorly frustrating situations, and have found myself reaching out to some awesome women (as well as my fiancé) for support. I met with groups of friends, on two separate occasions this week (something I seldom have the chance to do!) for uplifting convo and some distraction from all the drama. The first being dinner at St Pancras Station, and the second being an evening at the theatre. The conversations I have had with these ladies over the two evenings, as well as the laughter and general life updates have had me thinking about how important our friendships are. Not just people that are fun to go out with, or the girlfriend you call for a gossip, but a real support system.

Lunch on the mezzanine floor

If you had asked me around ten years what I thought about friendships, I probably would have told you that I simply wanted to be in the 'in crowd'. I wanted to know a lot of people and be seen everywhere. However over the years, for one reason or another, my legion of friendships have wilted down to a small but very solid network of ambitious, strong and uplifting ladies.

No drama at the table please

With social media being the go to for people to get their daily fix of news, entertainment and socialising, and hashtags now being the marker of what is trendy to speak about, phrases such as #squadgoals, and #relationshipgoals are often the order of the day.

Outside the Prince Edward Theatre - ready to watch Aladdin!

For me, when it comes to #squadgoals, it's more than just a filtered photo of a group of females poised and posing and slaying for days. Ask me now, and I will tell you that it's about a network of women (or men), who are interested in empowering  and building you up, but not afraid to tell you the painful truth, knowing it will do you more good. It's about women who are not afraid to share (feelings, ambitions as well as material possessions),  who will be there when you need them. They are ambitious. They are focused on their own hustle. It's about celebrating common ground and differences. Drama free, dishonesty free, and definitely jealousy free!

What do you look for in your team? What are your #squadgoals?

Bouncing back from the sack! (My personal story)

Have you ever been laid off from a job? It’s not the best feeling is it? I can definitely relate to the feelings of rejection and sometimes shame that come with being told that your services will no longer be needed and that you are to clear your desk as quickly and as quietly as possible. Firstly, your source of (financial) security has been snatched away from you. Secondly, it seems as if your skills and abilities have been seriously undermined, and thirdly instead if being deemed a human being with a family, feelings and responsibilities, you have been treated like a simple redundant digit that should be cut off in order for the books to be balanced. Trust me girl, I know.

I have decided to write on this topic today because although, I have not been sacked, I have experienced a lot of upheaval at work recently, which reminds me of a particular episode that occurred six years ago.

In fact, it was around this time of year in 2010, I had just begun my first “grown up job” with a PR company in Waterloo in London (Oooh, I SO want to name and shame, but I probably shouldn't!). In fact, it was an internship which later on developed into paid work, so you could imagine my excitement. I hastily quit my customer service job at a well known womenswear company and irrationally turned down a much coveted internship. It all seemed like a good idea at the time, except, after two months I found myself sitting opposite my then manager, and being told “I just don’t think that this company is the right fit for you”

I was told to leave as quickly and as quietly as I can, and to basically not cause too much fuss (it was all very underhand, but at the time I was too timid to challenge my employer). Back then, I was younger with little experience of the cut throat culture that is sometimes at the core of the working world. With my wide eyed innocence, I had not yet learned to put on my big girls trousers, so I simply left so not to cause further offence. I  remember sobbing my little heart out as walked down Waterloo Bridge Road, not giving a care to the strange stares I was attracting.The resulting feelings were those of sadness, rejection, guilt and embarrassment at my perceived failure. 

So when this year, a few work related occurrences threatened to knock my confidence again, I made up my mind to not be subdued by the drama, but to rise above it. If you are going through the same, or similar situation, here is how I overcame those negative feelings, and you can too!

1. Know that there is a plan and a purpose for everything. 

It sounds cliché, but it is true. When I got laid off from the PR company, job hunting became inevitable. I prayed so hard to God to turn the mess into a stepping stone. Besides, the £55 a week I was getting from the government as Jobseekers Allowance paled in comparison to my bills and  love for having a generally good time. So, my search eventually led me to the company I currently work at. A company I have now been with for almost six years, which has allowed me to refine my French speaking skills and to travel a lot more than I otherwise would have.

2. Read positive literature.

I used to be such the cynic when it came to motivational books. However, I have picked up a few in the last few months as well as read some online articles that have helped me to channel my negative thoughts and feelings into positivity. It has also helped to open my eyes to the opportunities around me and to develop a craft outside of traditional employment. 

3. Don’t get sucked into pity

It's easy for well meaning friends and family to pull you into a pool of pity and to indulge your sadness for longer than needed. Don't misunderstand me, you do need your time to scream and cry. However, staying in that place for too long will prevent you from moving on. Make up your mind to respond positively to any negative comments and be mindful of the conversations you entertain.

4. Take what you have learned from your job, and make one hell of a killer CV

When my colleagues at the PR company learned what had happened, one of them kindly offered to email me all the press releases I had written, and the other materials I had produced. Granted, this might have been a breach of all sorts of company policies, but at the time I could care less! All that mattered was that I was armed with what I needed to impress the next potential employer. You may not go the the lengths that I did, but it does help to keep a record of every project you have been a part of, as well as every new skill you have acquired.It's also a good time to learn from your mistakes. Could you have perhaps put in more effort? Could you have attended a few more social events?

5. Network! Network! Network!

It's good to keep in touch with any contacts you have made in your industry. Begging or desperation is never a good look, but you could always mention in passing that you are "looking for a new opportunity". When it comes to social networking, think about how you'd want to be perceived by others, a.k.a. your personal branding. These days, prospective employers look to professional networking sites like LinkedIn to make decision on who to recruit, so make sure your profile is up to date! They also look at more informal social sites such as Facebook and Twitter so be careful about what you post!

I hope this post has been of help. Chin up dear. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Don't throw in the towel, just continue to be the best you. Someone WILL take notice!

What are some of the ways you have bounced back from the sack?

Have a wonderful August!

We The People Matter (Updated)

Credits: cnn.com

I wasn't going to speak on this here, but I must say the last few weeks have been frightful. From BREXIT, and the apparent lack of leadership in the UK to the senseless mass killing of people like you and me in Orlando, and the exposure of police brutality and execution of a specific section of society in America.

This might not be my most popular blog post, however It just didn't feel right to continue to speak about wedding plans and chocolate hearts when so much injustice is going on.

The truth is that this kind of injustice have been going on for years in recent history. Think about Rodney King, Sandra Bland, Eric Garner, and now Alton Sterling and Philando Castile. I remember about a month ago, watching a BBC documentary about US police brutality, and feeling enraged. But somehow my anger felt unjustified. How can I be angry at something this is not even going on in the country I live in? How can I comment on an experience I do not share in? Who will listen to me? Who would take me seriously?

Credits: thinglink.com

Then last week, when I watched the execution of Alton Sterling on Facebook, and felt sick to my stomach. The same sense of unjustified rage consumed me, and rendered me sleepless that night. I kept replaying the video clip in my mind. Sometimes mentally exchanging Alton Sterling's lifeless body for different family members. 

The morning after, we were all confronted by the execution of yet another African American male. Philando Castile. This time, it was live streamed, so we could all see the events being played out as they happened. For the sake of your sanity, and mine I will refrain from posting it here. If you would like to see it, please google it.

Credits: Seen.co

Later, I read that Philando Castile, wasn't a weed smoking, cigarette (or CD) selling gang member disrespecting the police, whilst waving his blue flag or red flag in their faces. He was a respectable family man, loved by the children he served at work and ready to comply with the police. And because it was all live streamed, the police and media alike could not tarnish his image, his life and his story with a bucket full of lies.

Having said that, I would also like to extend my condolences to the families of the five cops who also lost their lives to senseless violence. 

Credits: crisismagazine.com

A week later, I don't feel the same emotions of anger, but I still do feel frustrated and afraid, and a desperate need to do or say something to help. To those families mourning the loss of their brother, sister, son, daughter, father, mother or friend due to excessive police  brutality, I would like to say that SoulJourner's Story deeply empathises with your loss and  is in full support of the campaign.

#BlackLivesMatter

P.S Our hearts go out to the victims and families affected by the brutal attack in Nice, France

What are your Q2 Results?

As we are rounding up the month of June, a.k.a. the first half of 2016, many businesses will be making public a financial analysis of the last three months. This is often called The Q2 Results. This is a roundup of revenues earned and expenditure made in the months of April, May and June, and a final conclusion of whether an overall loss or profit has been made.

Back in March, we took you through the Q1 results, why companies do it, and why it is important for us as individuals to also take a stock of  our  achievements and shortcomings, and everything else we feel may add to or take value away from us.  We also made mention of the fact that your Q1 results is a good indication of the way the rest of the year will go if current trends continue.

Similarly, by the end of Q2 you should have a very good indication of whether you are on track to achieve some of the goals you set for yourself at the beginning of the year. It’s probably also time to make some major changes - be it of habit or of mindset - if you would like to stay on track to achieving success, whatever that means to you. 

Organising wedding favours is no joke!

Just like the shock BREXIT results which has almost all European businesses in every industry reeling, there might have been occurrences in the last three months that might have caused us to tumble. And that is OK, because it is not a crime to fall, but I do consider it sinful to stay down!  I also faced a few curve balls which literally knocked the wind out of my sails, namely the sad passing of my grandfather. It is something that tore my heart into a million pieces. But I take comfort from knowing that he has joined the saints, rooting for me to succeed. 

It’s not all bad though. In my post about Q1, I did mention that my fiancé and I have been heavily investing time, money and energy in a few projects which I couldn’t reveal at the time. However, as we get ready to step into the second half of the year, I am now ready to reveal that a) I have been planning my wedding and am getting ready to be a blushing bride in October; and b) my fiancé and I have launched our facilities management company!

Alpha & Diamond is a first class facilities provider 

Amongst all the all the chaos there has been little time for rest. There is no doubt that a lot of blood, sweat, tears, sleepless nights and many heated discussions have gone into both projects! I promise to document each separately, and take you through how to do both - launch a business and plan a wedding successfully.

That's it for now guys. What things have been going on for you in Q2? Click here to read our post about Q1 Results. Not before leaving a comment though!